Day two of this blog and today was hell. I stayed home from work because of my sinus infection/ear infection. My ear was hurting. The morning was okay but once my husband came home things went downhill fast. I knew he was angry at me - why I don't understand. He says he wasn't mad. He only works part time because as he says I am the one with the debt so I should work to pay it off. I don't mind paying my own debt off - I got myself into it so I agree I should get myself out. Things have been strained between my husband and me. I haven't been happy for a while now. I feel he doesn't really want me around. He'd rather be playing games on his x-box then spend time with me. I am sick and he wants me to wait on him. He's a spoiled baby. I just feel trapped. He owned the house before we got together so I don't really feel I have any rights. Can't ask him to leave but I can't afford to leave. He had family in the area and my family is 1000's of miles away. Plus I really love him and we were happy once. I feel like it's a stage we may be going through. We will celebrate our 6th anniversary next month. I didn't get married to get divorced. I just don't know what to do to get us back on track. He says he loves me and does want to be married to me but I just don't feel it. I am sure I'll figure things out.
As far as energy this infection has me really down. I am very low on energy and depressed. I want to do things but can't seem to get myself motivated. I know I am sick and I should just rest but if I am not being productive and accomplishing something I get down on myself. This is a hard way to be with bi-polar depression and ADHD. There are days I can't get any motivation. I am a very creative person and love to quilt and create things. Lately, that hasn't been working to get me out of this funk. I just hope this turns around soon. I tried last weekend to do a small quilt that I've been wanting to do and it was a disaster. Quilting is very precised and the piece I was working on didn't come out correctly. So what I thought was going to be an easy quick way to get my motivation back turned out to be a motivation downer. I am still working on it and think I got it figured out where I went wrong. If I am feeling better I plan to get that quilt done this weekend. I think I may be setting myself up again. Well see.
Until tomorrow good night.
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